Well, it seems that California and Oslo have switched climates and I am certainly not complaining. It would be a shame if the rain persists and I come back from the Arctic tanner than my Californian friends (cough, Jiro)…..
Anyways, as it was 80F, yes 80, today I took to the lake to lay down in the sun and read. All was pleasant, the birds were chirping, the leaves were rustling gently in the summer breeze, when a big, fat 60+ man walks by and parks his towel about 4 feet from mine. Now, for those of you that are unfamiliar…the grassy areas around lake Sognsvann are large. So, this is equivalent to a stranger taking a seat next to you on an empty bus. I decide it’s too nice of a day for me to worry about it and I go back to my reading. It’s when an unbelievably large ant bites me in the armpit that I sit up and see the same man has shed all his clothes except for a tiny, red speedo, which is being engulfed by layers of fat. Now, I have strong opinions about this.
In the US, the only men that wear speedos are competing in swim teams or water polo games and in these cases, no one is complaining. The only time we see older men without cut bodies in speedos is when European tourists grace our beaches. We roll our eyes, and in the case of my mom and I we discuss how you should have to pass a test before you are allowed to wear one in public. After all, I would never wear a thong swim bottom unless I am sure my butt is Sports Illustrated worthy. Now, I hope there is no Norwegian friend of mine sniffling and staring at his beloved speedo, but I doubt it and if so, someone needs to tell you that there are just some things that people shouldn’t be forced to see.
In my case, as I look over at the heavy intruder, I can’t help but think how unlucky I am. First of all, Norwegians in general are a fit people, I think a bit genetically gifted. Furthermore, Norwegians are generally (again) reserved people but in this instance I have the once in a blue moon fat person that is extroverted enough to rock a speedo 4 feet from my face. I try to continue reading, but the reflective rays from his belly are blinding me so I look up to see him watching me. He continues staring at me and I decided it is time to go but as I walk away I must admit that I was little bit relieved. While Norway may have the best quality of living in the world, a great healthcare and education system, cushy jails and an overall happy public, they still have fat creeps just like the US. I smiled to myself as I left.
